I now understand
culture shock: it’s me experiencing Hundred Oaks High for the first time.
A
lot of kids go here. Five hundred? A thousand? There are so many I
can’t tell. At St. Andrew’s, there were only forty kids in my entire
class. We lived on a calm, sprawling,
green campus. Walking down the halls of Hundred Oaks feels like
last-minute Christmas shopping at a crowded mall.
Two
guys wearing football jerseys are throwing a ball back and forth. It
whizzes by my ear. A suspender-clad male teacher is hanging a poster
for the science fair, while
a couple is making out against the wall next to the fire alarm. If they
move another inch, they’ll set off the sprinklers. At St. Andrew’s,
kissing in the hall was an über no-no. We snuck under the staircase or
went out into the woods. Ben and I did that
all the time.
Thinking
of him makes me stop moving. I shut my eyes. Dating Ben was stupid.
Going into the woods with him was stupid. Thinking about what happened
makes
me so mad, I want to rip that newly hung science fair poster off the
wall and tear it apart.
A
boy shoves past me, slamming my arm with his backpack. That’s what I
get for loitering in the middle of the hallway with my eyes closed. He
looks me up and down. “You coming
to Rutledge Falls this afternoon?”
“What?”
“Paul Simmons challenged Nolan Chase to a fight. Rutledge Falls. Three o’clock. Don’t tell the cops.”
A fight? Where the hell am I? Westeros?
A
girl bumps into my side. “Watch it!” Flashing me a dirty look, she
disappears into a classroom with a group of friends, chattering away.
Seeing
those girls together reminds me of my best friends, Steph and Madison.
Right now, they’re probably gossiping before trig starts. I miss Steph’s
cool British accent and Madison’s cheerful laugh.
I
take a deep, rattled breath. And then another. I feel trapped, like the
time I got locked in my grandpa’s garage and no one found me for an
hour and
I banged on the windows until my fists turned purple from bruises.
I can’t believe I had to leave my school. My home.
All because I made one stupid decision.
I
check my schedule. My first class is calculus 1, the most advanced math
course Hundred Oaks offers. Just a week ago, I was taking an advanced
calculus
quiz at the University of the South. St. Andrew’s is one of the best
prep schools in the country, and they offer seniors the opportunity to
take courses at the university, which is up the road. Even though I was
still in high school, the professors treated
me just like a college kid. I was only in the course for two weeks, but
still. It was insanely difficult. The truth is, unlike everybody else
in my family, I hate math. I have to work at it harder than anything
else in my life.
But
if I didn’t take college calc, there’s a good chance I wouldn’t get
into an Ivy League school. I need to go to a top-tier school because
that’s what
people in my family do. My father attended Yale, and my sister Jenna is
there now. According to Dad, my brother Oliver—Jenna’s twin—is a
traitor for going to Princeton, but I think Dad respects him for having
the balls to make his own decision.
Me?
When
Dad called me into his home office last night, he barely looked at me
as he pored over my new schedule. The silence was killing me.
“I
don’t know how Yale will still consider me if I’m not taking all AP
courses,” I said. “Hundred Oaks only offers AP chemistry.”
Dad sighed, took off his glasses, and set down my schedule. “I’m incredibly disappointed in you, Taylor.”
I looked him straight in the eyes. His quiet restraint worried me. I’d never seen him so upset.
But
I was upset too. He rarely had time to call me when I was away at
school, but he could spare a few minutes to comment on my one screwup?
After how hard I’ve always worked?
Over
the years, I’ve done hours of homework every night. I had a 4.2 GPA at
St. Andrew’s. A 1520 SAT score. I was on track to be valedictorian. I
was
captain of the soccer team and on the debate team. I did everything I
could to show Yale that I worked hard. That I am a unique individual.
Because that’s what Yale wants.
But my one misstep has muddied my glowing record.
Dad ended our conversation with a death knell.
“Tee,
I gave you all the tools you needed to succeed,” he said. “I’ve paid
for your private school education since first grade, and you squandered
it by getting kicked out.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, my face burning. “I’m going to keep working hard at Hundred Oaks though.”
“You’re damn right you will.”
My father had me so flustered, I wasn’t thinking straight when I said, “Maybe Yale will still take me because of who I am.”
“You mean because of who
I am.” Dad rubbed his eyes. “I’ve always taught you kids the
importance of integrity, and the minute you got into trouble, instead of
owning it, you called me to bail you out. And now you’re doing it
again. Using my name to try to get ahead.”
I hung my head. “I’m sorry, Dad.”
“I
love you more than anything, but you have to take responsibility for
what you did. You’ll have to figure college out on your own.”
“What does that mean?” I asked slowly.
“It
means I’m not lifting a finger. I won’t be calling the alumni
association or the school president to put in a good word for you.”
“But didn’t you do that for Jenna and Oliver?” I blurted.
He put his glasses back on. “You need to own up, Tee.”
So
here I am, glancing around the unfamiliar halls of Hundred Oaks. The
school is neat and orderly, but it doesn’t look completely clean, like
no matter how hard you scrub,
it still looks old. At least it’s not juvie.
I
step into my math class, which is already filled with kids. I choose an
empty seat at a wobbly wooden desk and stare out the window at the
sunny, seventy-degree
September day. I bet at St. Andrew’s, my world politics teacher is
telling my friends, “Gather your books. It’s a beautiful day out. Let’s
have class in one of the gardens.”
I check out the problem set on the whiteboard. I could do this level of math years ago…
My
former guidance counselor told me that colleges look for trends in our
GPA and activities over four years of high school. So that means when
colleges see my application,
they will see:
I’m taking easier classes;
I’m no longer doing debate;
I’ve lost my soccer captainship this year; and
I was expelled.
I
have never simply given up when calculus got a lot tougher or an
opponent ran faster than me on the soccer field. So I refuse to believe
my entire future is over because
of one mistake.
I just need to figure out how to move forward.
